fubar
by glitter cordite
Summary: Sakura should have known her mission was going to go up in flames the moment he walked in.
1. Chapter 1

**disclaimer:** i own nothing except an inane amount of lady gaga and some coffee. and also the snk ost, let's talk about that sexy piece of work

**because:** giselle is perfect and puts up with all my flailing while she kicks all the ass betas. also because I finally grew the balls necessary to post a multichaptered fic. what's up with that?

* * *

**fu·bar**

/ˈfo͞oˌbär/

adjective:

_fucked up beyond all recognition_

"Well. Fuck."

The pinkette mumbled, hastily slipping back into the halfway-vacated supply closet. The bright lights flashed in time with the bass as it pounded against the flimsy wood as she pressed her back up against it. Pushing a stray lock of hair aside, the young kunoichi gave a frustrated sigh. As it was, she was currently hiding in a closet on the second floor of Kumo's hottest club. The mission was a simple assassination- and had, until this point, been going quite smoothly. However, things had taken a turn for the worse, and all because of her motherfucking ex-teammate and his merry band of misfits. They just had to show up tonight, didn't they? What were they even doing in the area? Apart from the odd nuke-nin and little league crime circles there was nothing to draw an elite team such as Hebi to the area. Swearing again, Sakura took a steeling breath and began a series of hand seals.

A few minutes and a cleverly executed henge later, she exited the closet as a tall, blonde girl who looked decidedly Ino-esque. (Which was far better than looking like herself, especially with unhinged ex-teammates ranging around the place.) If she was able to reassume her former ruse as a hired dancer, it would be easy to locate her target (assuming he hadn't left the building) and avoid any team Hebi nin (assuming they didn't want anything to do with the hired entertainment.) Keeping her eyes on the elevated stage, she wove through the crowd, careful to move without her kunoichi's grace. A few stumbles later, when the stairs leading backstage were tantalizingly close, she felt a cool hand light on her shoulder.

"You have got to be shitting me,"

She sighed as she turned around to find herself face to face with Hebi's resident shark toothed freak. Dressed for the part he looked every bit the entitled civilian hotshot. (But her medic's eyes could see the calluses left on his hands from sword wielding.) Allowing herself a casual quarter turn towards him, she flipped her hair and shot him a practiced grin, hoping to every (and any) deity that her earlier comment had been lost in the pounding music.

"Care for a dance and a drink before you head back to the salt mines?"

His violet gaze was intense and a little suaver than the kunoichi would like to admit. (If she didn't know who he was, she would have been charmed.) Smiling again, she tucked a loose lock of blonde hair behind her ear and coyly glanced over his shoulder,

"I don't think your friend over there would be too terribly thrilled with that."

Suigetsu threw a glance over his shoulder and was met with the hooded, dark stare that had pierced Sakura just a second earlier.

"Oh he's just bitter because the pole up his ass drives all the girls away,"

He paused to bring himself closer (and place a strategic hand on her lower back)

"Whaddya say to that dance?"

Sakura was pretty sure that nothing sucked more than this. Escaped target, basically unsalvageable mission and caught between a dipshit and a hard place. Gold star. Realizing the fastest way out from under Sasuke's watch (and hopefully back into the vicinity of her target) was with shark boy, Sakura laughed and let him lead her away.

* * *

Sasuke was, in a word (or three), really fucking pissed. This mission was simple, and were it not for his teammates ineptitude they very well could have been done by now. But no. Karin had to decide that the easiest way to gather information was to go to a "social hub" and "lay groundwork". Last time the Uchiha had checked, groundwork had nothing to do with grinding on wealthy civilians. (Though Suigetsu was always calling him a misinformed prude, so there was that.)

Speaking of his pathetic excuse for a teammate, the pale haired dipshit had already cornered some poor girl and was (shittily, knowing Suigetsu) hitting on her. Sighing and leaning back against the wall, the missing nin noticed the unoriginal tastes of his subordinate. Tall, tan and blonde, really? The least he could do was go for someone who was not obviously part of the hired entertainment. He was just being pathetic now.

Already bored with the scene playing out in front of him, Sasuke was about to find something else to occupy him (alcohol, preferably) when something caught his eye. Sharp glare narrowing, he focused in on Suigetsu's companion, watching as her baby blue eyes batted demurely, there was something horribly familiar about the way she had flicked her hair. But it didn't quite- their eyes met across the room and Sasuke felt the hair on the back of his neck rise- fit. It was a mannerism associated with a completely different female, a female synonymous with trouble.

But it couldn't be her. Her chakra signature was too (monstrously large) distinct. He'd be able to tell from a mile away, let alone halfway across a dance floor. Doing his best to keep his calm facade, he watched as her eyes narrowed- a conscious decision- and she let the shark-toothed man lead her away. Deeply unsettled, and unable to shake the familiarity of her movements he did another quick search of the room for Karin (didn't find her) and then made his way up to the third floor.

All things considered, if this was the only mission she ever failed, and the man she was currently dancing with never found out who she really was, Sakura thought she could probably live with it. After all, the music was extraordinarily good, she had pissed off Sasuke (even if he didn't know it was her exactly) and now her hips were moving in sync with those of an undeniably talented missing nin.

Things could definitely be worse.

However they could also be better, she thought, as the location of Hebi's other two (three? she hadn't seen hide nor hair of the large one either.) members were currently an unknown, a very volatile unknown, and one she should probably look into remedying. But the beat had shifted, Sakura felt a soft pair of lips on her neck, and then nothing really seemed to matter but the man behind her.

* * *

Karin, for one, loved clubs. She loved the overwhelming music, she loved the crush of people, the steady flow of booze and most of all she loved the dancing. Tonight seemed especially good too, though she was ready to chalk that up to finally being free of her uptight teammates and kunoichi status. (Even if it was just for the night.) Throwing an over-the-shoulder grin back at her (tall, dark and a little too similar to her team leader) partner, she caught a flash of silvery-white and grimaced at the approach of her teammate. Ready to grab her man of the hour and head bar side, the redhead paused when keen eyes caught the leggy blonde merrily following him. Oho, the fucker had managed to get him a girl. This could be interesting. Grinning Karin reached up and put a hand to the pseudo-Sasuke's face, lightly intoning that they turn around. (So she could watch Suigetsu from over his shoulder. but whatever.)

It didn't take long for the oto-nukenin to figure out that something was seriously off with her teammates partner. She moved too well, her musculature far more than what a dancer would require, and the analytical glint in her eyes unmistakable as they worked over the room. Karin noted the near perfect chakra control of the girl, her signature masked beyond recognition as the blonde's head fell back under Suigetsu's ministrations. She knew from experience that it took a lot of training and capability to keep chakra calm under the influence of others. (Suigetsu especially.)

A kunoichi. Without a doubt.

Port eyes narrowing, the fiery girl was about to pull away and make a move on her dipshit teammate when an unmistakable change came over the blonde. The blue eyes of Suigetsu's toy kunoichi had narrowed and focused across the room. In one fluid movement, the blonde girl had murmured something in Suigetsu's ear and started across the dance floor. Glancing slowly behind her shoulder, Karin watched as she made her way towards a figure leaning heavily against the wall and looking worse for wear.

Turning her gaze back towards where Suigetsu and his partner had stood, Karin sighed and decided to step in. (so that the sorry ass swordsman wouldn't get his ass killed following after some girl he hardly knew.) Swearing, Karin gave the man in front of her a half assed excuse and broke away, fighting through the dancing bodies in the direction blonde (and her dipshit teammate) had left.

Fucking teammates and their disappearing acts.

Tonight might not be a bust after all, Sakura thought as she pushed her way through the crowd, keeping a weary eye on the ailing man in front of her (sweaty back, shaking hands, leaning heavily against the wall), Sakura moved in closer, taking her time and assessing the situation.

Though not completely ineffective, the sedative had definitely not had the desired effect, because though he seemed to have lost his fine motor control, her target was, much to her horror, still capable of basic movement. (Something her sedative should have completely taken care of.) Troubling though it was, it had made him inordinately easy to spot from across the room as she danced, clenching her jaw, the young woman prepared to make the final push.

A few minutes and a lot of shoving later, the faux blonde kunoichi broke through the clusterfuck that was the center of the dance floor and into the less populated space between the center and the edge of the floor. Blue eyes narrowed again as she moved in on her target, mentally running a check on the current state of affairs. At this point in time she stood on the second floor of Kōsaten, favorite meeting place of alcoholics, crime bosses and missing-nin such as her target. In her initial plan, her target would have been apprehended on the first floor, where it would have been easy to lure him outside and out of the public eye before the sedative set in. (the goal being to dispatch him with as little fuss as possible.)

Evidently she was going to have to modify the plan, because the most secluded place available to her was the stairwell. And that was quite simply not going to work. Clenching her jaw and giving herself a mental shake, Sakura stepped forward and prepared to break through the final layer of clubbers.


	2. Chapter 2

**disclaimer:** I got 99 problems but owning Naruto 'aint one of 'em

**because:** you know you're doing something right when your beta's name is "thing 2" in your phone.

* * *

**fu·bar**

/ˈfo͞oˌbär/

adjective:

_fucked up beyond all recognition_

Sakura prided herself on being a positive individual. She refrained from killing whenever possible, and didn't use the word "hate" unless she really meant it.

She really meant it right about now.

The young kunoichi absolutely hated the throngs of people that currently crowded around her. Not only were they impeding her progress across the dance floor, but they were also all potential witnesses. Even though the sedative she had administered the man shortly before losing him was less than effective, killing him wouldn't be hard at all. It only took a little to negate someone as a threat. However, doing so without revealing herself as a kunoichi would be decidedly tough in her current environment.

Rapidly flicking through possible options the pinkette approached the impaired man. He was approximately six feet to the right of the stairwell door, and while it was by no means the ideal location to carry out her mission it would have to do. Plastering a coy grin across her face, she broke through the final layer of patrons and approached the man.

"Can I lend you a hand, sir?" Bloodshot eyes slowly tracked over her face, narrowing slightly when they met her own eyes. A moment of (tense, on her part. Confused, on his) silence passed before the nuke-nin gave an erratic jerk of his chin. Inwardly, Sakura grinned as she took him by the elbow and began to lead him towards the stairs.

* * *

Suigetsu had no qualms with admitting that he was a competitive man. And so, when the (fucking hot) intriguing blonde had said she needed to get back to work, and then headed in the opposite direction of the stage, he had taken it as a challenge. At first it had been deplorably easy to track the slim girl as she wove through the crowd, but somewhere between the bright lights and the blaring music he had lost her. It was a shame, really, she had been an excellent dancer, and he had been more than ready to suggest that they move on to a "quieter place". But as it were, the chances of him getting any were looking slim to none. (He swore to god that if Sasuke actually got it in tonight and he didn't that he would fucking slap a hoe. And by hoe he meant the pretty boy.) With a grin, the pale man figured that the club really wasn't all that big, and how many blonde haired, blue eyed ladies could there be really? So logically, if he made his way to the third floor to watch from the balcony, he'd find her in an instant. Right? Right.

Shit, he really was a genius

Karin had met many a dumbass in her life, but none quite as one hundred percent committed to their dumbassery as Suigetsu. To say that he leapt before he looked would be a major understatement. The semi-aquatic man fucking threw himself off a cliff before he even stopped to consider the ramifications of his actions. Which was exactly why he had Karin so worried, it was _just like him_ to take off after some skirt he hardly knew before making sure she wasn't a potential threat. This one was _definitely_ a threat, and the pale haired dumbass was already balls deep in the chase. The red head sighed and promised herself a stiff drink when all this was said and done. Heels clicking against the concrete floor, she followed after her errant teammate.

* * *

Kōsaten, for it's part, was a beautifully designed building. The first floor acted as a foyer of sorts, with a bar, room for people to socialize and private booths for couples (or crime lords, whichever came first). An enclosed flight of stairs led up to the second floor, where one could find a large dance floor, stage, and a small bar against the west side of the room. Adjacent to the bar, was the stairwell, which would take you up to the third, and final, floor. The third floor was really less of a "floor" and more of an over glorified balcony. About eight feet across, it was a balcony of sorts that wrapped around the building's interior and allowed for a birds eye view down onto the dance floor. It was here that Sasuke found himself, leaning idly against the railing and watching the couples on the floor pulsate with the bass.

It was not unusual for the dark haired man to find himself in situations such as this. And by that he meant standing around and playing mediator while the more insane (not clinically speaking, of course. Otherwise Juugo would take the proverbial cake) half of his team worked out their steam. It was always the same, they'd wind up on some silly retrieval or assassination mission, and Karin would insist they'd go "lay groundwork" at some local club. It was a ruse, Sasuke was sure. They'd never gotten any actual intel out of the excursions, and he always had to deal with at least one, usually two pissed off and sexed up subordinates. Charming.

Tonight was especially bad, as the two had bickered and snarled all the way to the door and had subsequently snagged partners in record time. They were both slightly volatile, and that's when accidents happened. Dark eyes scanned the crowd on reflex as Sasuke took a drink from his (dwindling) cocktail. Neither of them were in plain sight, though that could just mean that they had finally hauled their partners off to get it in. Or maybe they had jumped each other (wouldn't that be a long time coming!), though that option was far fetched, Sasuke had to admit. Approximately ten minutes, four shot down girls and another drink later, Sasuke scanned the pulsating crowd below for his team. Nothing, and that just screamed trouble. Trouble like baby blue eyes narrowing in defiance, unnerved, Sasuke made for the stairwell. Clearly he was going to have to find their asses.

* * *

This was hopeless, Sakura thought as she was shoved up against the stairwell's cold wall.

"Bitch, tell me where the pink haired girl went," her target snarled, pinning her to the concrete, sweaty hand constricting her throat. In all honesty, Sakura could have him dead in a heartbeat, but at this point in time, she'd have to fall back on her brute strength, and that would blow her cover to smithereens. (And that was unacceptable under normal circumstances, let alone ones where she had _unhinged_ _ex-teammates in the area_.) Whimpering through her constricted airway, she thanked her lucky stars that his motor control was sub par.

"I told you, I don't know! We don't have anyone with pink hair on staff!" Tightening his hold on her neck, the man shot her a sneer.

"I don't believe you, bitch." Lifting her up a little higher, he flung her to the ground and began to advance. Sakura snarled.

* * *

Shoving his hands into his pockets (making sure the shuriken he had stashed there were still in place) Sasuke briskly made his way towards the stairs. Dumbass teammates, he was always going to have to babysit them, wasn't he? As he started to not-quite-run down the stairs he paused, years of training screaming at him to stop and listen. So he did.

"I don't believe you, bitch" came a scratchy voice, echoing up through the stairwell like a gunshot. Sasuke's eyes narrowed, muscles tensing as adrenaline rushed through his veins. The sound of a body hitting the floor and then he ran, chakra building and pulsing as he went.

The nuke-nin approached the crumpled girl, his steps irregular and poorly placed. Sure of his victory over her, he knelt down next to the blonde and made to reach for her chin- when the kunoichi beneath him launched upward and caught his chin with a violent uppercut. Flying backwards, the rattled man started to pick himself off the ground before a chakra infused kick landed in his stomach and sent him into the wall with such force that the grimy concrete cracked. Drawing a senbon from beneath her flashy costume, Sakura brought herself toe to toe with the nuke-nin's slumped form.

"Can't say I fault you for that, bastard." She snarled as she brought him up in a chokehold reminiscent of the one she had allowed him earlier. Tilting his head to the side, she cleanly drove the senbon into the base of his skull, watching as he finally succumbed to blunt force trauma and her senbon strike.

* * *

Suigetsu was pissed, he hadn't even made it to the stairwell yet, and he'd already had to dodge Karin three times. Bitch was intent on getting in his way. Why couldn't she go bother Sasuke or something? Launch another (doomed) conquest on his pants in the name of redheaded persistence. Yeah, leave him to his little game of tag. Smirking at the thought of his blonde haired game, he pushed through the final few clumps of people in his way and approached the stairwell door. Making use of his long legs, he lengthened his stride and closed the distance quickly, feeling anticipation build as he kicked open the do- oh sweet mother of fuck.

Blinking a few times, and shaking his head, Suigetsu tried to make sense of what he was seeing. Slumped against the wall, looking decidedly dead was what looked to be a former ANBU (of Konoha perhaps? He had their coloring…) on the wall behind him there was a violent spider webbing of cracks in the concrete, suggesting his impact at high velocity. And finally, standing a few paces away and looking a little worse for wear was his lady friend from earlier. Her blue eyes were wide, and the senbon she had been making to hide in her bodice was frozen halfway there. Suigetsu was pretty damn sure that in the moment his attraction to her rose by about ten million percent.

"So does this mean that you will be wanting that drink after all?" he asked as he closed the door and made to lean against the frame. Incredulously the girl finished hiding the senbon and looked at him with a small smirk on her face. Lightly biting her lower lip, she opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by none other than his dickwad team leader stalking down the stairs.

"Absolutely not," he snarled, closing in on the blonde girl.

_Oh shit fuck_, Sakura thought as the Uchiha advanced on her. His eyes were dark and his chakra violent, he meant business. How much had he heard? Seen? Had he felt her break the tight seals on her chakra? _Did he know who she was_? The kunoichi unconsciously took a step back as the dark haired man came closer. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she could hear Suigetsu trying to talk down the man in front of her, but his words were lost in the panic induced static. Before she could formulate a plan, or do much else than cower like a deer in headlights, the avenger had charged forward with his trademark speed; and for the second time that night she found herself pinned to the wall by her throat.

Caging her in with his body, and placing a strategic knee between her own legs, Sasuke glared at the girl, Sharingan activated and whirring wildly.

"Drop the henge, Sakura", blue eyes narrowed and Sakura managed a sneer,

"Like hell I will."

"Woah, woah hold up, you know her, Sasuke?" Suigetsu huffed, it was totally Sasuke's style to sweep in and threaten to kill his girl. But to also know her prior to tonight? That was just rude. The former mist-nin's eyes widened as Sasuke's free hand began to crackle with electricity, and his chakra tangibly darkened. The girl against the wall knew it too, as her henge began to melt away. Skin paled, hair shortened and turned a pretty shade of pink and blue eyes bled away into a violent shade of green. Oh, she was _pissed. _

"Let me go, Uchiha." The pinkette snarled, bringing her hands up to clutch at his vice like grip. Sasuke obliged with a sneer, and let the girl crumple to the ground, her fingers glowing green as she healed her already bruising throat. The last Uchiha crossed his arms and moved to lean against the opposite wall, giving the fallen kunoichi a little space. (Though not enough, as suggested by her open distrust of the man.) A few seconds passed in silence before the green glow died away and the pinkette rose, all the while watching Sasuke warily. Suigetsu imagined that he could practically see the tension in the room. Who exactly was this girl to Sasuke, and how did she already have him so blatantly bothered?

"Suigetsu you dumbass what have you gotten yourself int-" The tension was broken by the arrival of Hebi's lone female member, who visibly backpedaled at the scene in front of her.

"Hey," Suigetsu began, moving towards the blonde-turned-pinkette,

"You still wanna go grab a drink?" He shot a crooked grin at her;

"I'm sure my subordinates wouldn't mind taking care of thi-" His words were cut off by Karin's enraged shriek,

"SUBORDIN- WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING YOUR SUBORDINATE?" She began to advance on the pale haired nuke-nin, but was cut off by Sasuke's flat voice.

"Enough, Karin." He glared at Suigetsu,

"You too, Hōzuki." Turning his dark stare back towards Sakura he began to question her.

"What was your reason for being here?"

The pinkette simply raised a groomed eyebrow and shot a blatant glance at the dead man beside her. Sasuke resisted the urge to throw a shuriken at her.

"Is Konoha aware of our presence in the area?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and deadpanned,

"No, or I would have planned for your interference." Sasuke's eyes narrowed,

"_Our_ interference?"

"_Yes_ yours, do you think I actually meant to kill the fucker in an _unprotected stairwell_?"

"Hey, I'd like to point out that if _I'd_ known you were on a mission I would have cut right to the chase and asked you to bang me."

"_Hōzuki_."

"Well it's true! Unlike some people, I have no trouble telling a girl I dig her."

"Yeah, Sasuke, just admit you like me."

"Karin, there is no way in hell that I meant you."

Sakura watched in amazement as the two teammates continued to bicker, their voices rising in volume, as the insults grew more pointed. Stealing a glance at Sasuke, the medic noted his tired expression and obvious displeasure with his subordinate's childish antics.

"Yeah, well at least I don't look like some strip club reject!"

"What the _fuck_ is that even supposed to mean, dipshit?"

Waiting until Sasuke made to interrupt the two, Sakura began a practiced series of hand seals. Noticing what she was up to, Sasuke changed courses and began to charge at her again, but too late. Grinning, Sakura shot him a flirtatious wink as she disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Oh, I _like_ her!" Suigetsu crowed as Sasuke loudly swore.

* * *

Sprinting across the rooftops, Sakura allowed herself a peal of laughter. Sure her kill had been sloppy, and sure she wasted time on her (still really attractive) ex-comrade, but hell, the mission had been accomplished. And Sasuke was going to have to take responsibility for the kill, or else he'd have to explain that he'd let her get away.

And there was no way in hell that his pride would allow him to do that. So she ran, the fresh night whipping through her hair, and the lights of the city's heart rapidly fading away.


End file.
